I salute you men and women.
Now Madventures has come across the most hard core location ever.
Welcome to Papua.
West Papua truly is mankind's last frontier.
Here are the last unexplored areas in the whole world.
The last inpenetrable jungles, undocumented tribes and cultures.
The last skull hunters and cannibals.
An incredible amount of people live here up to this day -
just like they lived thousands of years ago.
Madventures is going back to stone age starting now!
We took a plane to the "capital" of West Papua called Wamena -
and we will start out tour from here, the highlands.
Can you imagine that nobody knew anything about this place -
before 1945 when an airplane happened to crash here.
Thousands of locals fled to the mountains fearing that the balance -
between life and death, man and nature has been permanently changed.
And they were exactly right too. In the 50s missionaries started -
building here the Evil System of Babylon. But not before the 50s -
so the original culture is still very strong. The valley is also -
stunningly beautiful so we will spend some time here getting to -
know the local tribe, the Danis.
West Papua is so isolated that they apperently speak 700 -
different fucking languages. There is an equal amount of tribes and clans -
that have fought each other throughout the history.
There are still horrible tribal wars goign on in the jungle.
Yalis, Asmatis, Korowas, Kombais... The most influencial tribes are -
the Lanis and Danis.
Male member of the Dani tribe can be recognized by the horin.
It's a special kind of jock strap made out of a dried vegetable -
that you use to holster your wee-wee. It's attached to your -
balls with a string down here and the stand will keep the thing -
nice and steady. Your balls stay nice and cool,
all in all it's a nice and natural piece of clothing. Very good indeed.
You can't help but wonder what would happen if a gorgeous Finnish -
girl went by. I think the length is just about right but I'm worried -
about the diameter.
And speaking of women... Danis trade women for pigs.
You can get one for about 4-5 pigs so I guess I might have a shot.
I don't know... Better knock wood.
Danis are polygamous and you can have as many wives as you can afford.
All wives have their own huts to avoid any unpleasant confrontations.
Being polygamous is due to the local rules of having sex.
Women can't have sex as long as they are breast feeding -
which naturally means 2-5 years of celibacy at a time.
That is the reason for having many wives and the cause to a lot of divorces.
Now I shall check out some candidates...
OK, I'll leave your wife alone.
Oh wait... She's on my side!
This is great! This is the Dani mentality. This it perfect!
West Papua is indeed the Ultimate Destination for internaitonal -
adventurers, explorers and scientists.
But what is it that makes Irian Chaya the most HC spot in the world?
Two things:
The wilderness and the people.
The wilderness is unspoiled and paradise like but also hostile.
Endless masrhes, freezing high plains, -
inpenetrable rain forests full of tropical contagious diseases and -
poisonous little fuckers.
People on the other hand are the last true survivors in the world
and our only real contact to our forgotten roots, our own past, -
to the original roots humanity.
It's no wonder a lot of the people in the jungle want to remain unknown.
The officials cannot go to the wilredness, and and into certain -
parts neither can anyone else.
Intruders will get killed and eaten.
Papua is the second boggest island in the world after Greenland.
It is split in two. The Eastern part is known as Papua New Guinea
and the other one is occupied by Indonesia.
Despite being fucking huge it only has about a million inhabitants.
Most of the area is covered by watery jungle where only the toughest -
peoples can survive.
And that is exactly where we are going.
Before the jungle expedition we have to take care of few things.
Market place in Wamena. This is where Danis and Yalis come to trade -
chikens, pigs, vegetables, fruits and all other necessary goods.
From here we get all the equipment we need for the expedition -
most important being jungle tobacco.
Bugdet traveller should once in a while take a few days off and -
recharge batteries with western conveniences. Tomorrow we'll begin -
the toughest treck we've ever done.
We'll spend the last night in this majestic Baliem Valley Resort.
We are staying in a three star bungalow with orchid garden and valley view.
We'll be taking hot showers and stuffing ourselves, packing in -
electric light and for the first time since forever we'll be sleeping -
between clean sheets.
There's another reason too. This place is owned by mysterious scientist -
Dr. Weiglein who has been exploring Papua for over 25 years.
Here they have the best guides and the best know-how which we -
need should we hope ever coming back from the jungle alive.
Our firends, the Danis, heard that we are going for a long jungle -
expedition and they decided to slaughter a pig in our honor.
It is said to be extremely rare. Mainly they just eat sweet potato.
Pigs are extremely valuable here. For example adultery is fined by -
30 pigs which equals hundreds of euros. For them it is an insane amount of money.
Now the pig is dead and has been prepared on the campfire.
Right now it's being fixed for getting simmered with the vegetables.
They made this amazin stack. Unredneath is hot stones, a pig -
some vegetables and on top all kinds of plants form the jungle.
All of this is held together with a rope. I suppose this is some -
kind of vegetable version of the Bandit's Roast.
Last thing to come out of the hole is sweet potato.
It smells very good indeed.
Pig is good. Normally I don't eat pork because pig is a filthy animal.
I'm a vegetarian, but this time I naturally have to eat this.
This is some excellent pork cooked in a hole in the ground.
This is the last home cooked meal we are going to have in a long time.
Assuming we even get back alive.
Here I am at a Dani pork fest. We'll get back to you later.
The dice is cast! This is the Madventures Papua Jungle Expedition.
Here's the plan. We rented a plane from the missionaries and they will -
fly us from Wamena deep into the jungle to Koroba and Kombai territories.
Let's hope we don't get in to a hassle there or it might -
just be the last episode of Mad Cook with us being the main course.
New crew members are our chef Itung and our guru guide Jesaja.
Everything is set, let's go!
Alright Riku, this is it.
Reverend Dave did a succesful landing to the Jungle E Strip.
Now the plane is going back and we are staying here!
Our group is now a couple or porters stronger and set to go -
jungle knives flailing. We have a day's hike ahead of us in very rough -
terrain with our boots wet. It's fucking hot and humidity must be close to 100%
Our goal is to wander in the depths of the rain forest for a week and -
find some of the legendary clans living here. There are still people -
living here who have absolutely no contact with the rest of mankind.
Towards the unknown we go.
We've been hiking for a day and we've come across the first Korowai village.
We sent a scout to find out if we can get through or if we -
should find another way.
Our first contact with a Korowai and we don't really know what's -
going on. We'll just have to take it easy.
This man is very alarmed by our presence but people here like -
tobacco so we carry some with us to give as presents.
He didn't like it.
We are gradually making friends here. - Just take it easy.
Yeah. - And remeber to smile. - Yes, absolutely.
Problem is they aren't smiling back at me which is understandable.
Fucking amazing people none the less.
- Yeah, and we're allowed to stay the night too. - Stay the night?
- I don't know... - are you OK with it? - Absolutely. - Right...
Thing is, there's people in the woods and that's why we can't go further.
- That's how I go it. - Oh, yeah. You're probably right.
Meaning we'd get arrows in our face if we went out there.
So we'll just stay here for a while before going any further.
After the initial hassle we've been getting to know each other.
Here is the master of the house, Mangi. He's brother is called Wawarek and -
the expedition will stay the night here with this small Korowai clan.
The biggest tribe in this area is Korowai. They are hunter-gatheres
and therefore have their bows always with them.
They get everything from the jungle. Clothes, weapons, houses, everything.
Only foreign item we've seen was a knife given to them by a missionary.
All the clans have their own territories which they are very jelous about.
Hunting, gathering or fucking on foreign territory is a crime that -
will lead to war. That's why the Korowai are very skeptical people -
who live safely in the trees high above the ground level.
After 5 hours of trecking we found a Kumbai house. You can hear pretty -
scary shouting from there but it shoud be OK.
Easy now...
- So what is the fucking deal? - We've arrived to a Kumbai house, -
there's Kumbai dude being extremely skeptic. He won't even look at me -
because he's afraid. He had the bow ready and the arrow is spiked.
They use those arrows to shoot people. The spikes are there to rip off your -
intestins. He's been offered tobacco now. Maybe he'll chill out a bit.
This is his treehouse.
So they don't want us here? - They do not want us here.
Let's move then. - Yeah, let's go.
Shove the goddamn camera already! We're getting the fuck out of here.
Ok, ok, we're going, we're going...
These jungle guys are surreal. They built a bridge with rails and shit in 20 minutes.
Un-fucking-believable.
Nerd westener will no make it here.
They use these sounds to let people know the expedition coming.
Once again we have no idea who they are and what they will think of us.
They still eat people here. For example this porter here has eaten two!
As has one of the other porters. One helped his father hunt down a man.
All this within the last decade.
Eating humans is not the ordinary Sunday supper though, but an act of war.
By eating your enemy you gain his strength and wisdom.
Women eat the wangs and men eat the pussies. Besides they say human flesh is very good.
I'm not sure of that... yet. - Ok, it's a wrap.
This dude seems pretty relaxed so we'll spend the night here.
We must get our camp ready before dark.
Of course first we offer the master of the house a good puff.
Buruwaruka is the chief of a small Kombai tribe.
He does not know his age, but he has lived all of it in the jungle.
As a you man he fought 3 wars against Korowai and 3 times he killed -
and ate an enemy warrior. Then he got married and had to pay -
the father of the bride a stone axe, a bow and a pig tooth necklace.
Now he has 3 children and lots of grand children.
Chief has never been outside the jungle and does not wish to either.
He has never seen a television, a radio or a newspaper.
He doesn't know what America or oil is and doesn't understand why -
Indonesia is occupying Papua.
This old warrior has seen money but doesn not use it.
For him the whole world is the Kombai forest, 100x100 kilometers.
That is enough for him.
Family, house, hunting grounds, 2 pigs, 2 dogs. That is enough.
My dream? What is a dream? I don't understand.
What am I afraid of? I hate the Indonesians and
I don't want to see any missionaries.
I don't want to leave my village or dress in clothes.
I want to stay in the jungle and eat sago, fruit, worms, game and fish.
My father was born and died in jungle and I intend to do the same thing.
Wel-l-l-lcome to the Madventures cooking show on a culinaristic tour to the
most disgusting dishes in the world.
Our goal was to do the most extreme Mad Cook dish ever, the human being.
But since there are no wars going on here in the jungle and we are still -
bound by some basic rules of ethics we well not be having it.
Instead we'll be consentrating on these.
The most important food source is the core of sago palm trees.
It's is the source of carbs and proteins just like wheet and rice
to some other peoples.
But the core is also a home to a certain ulgy fucking bastard.
This worm.
It's specialized in arson and causes great destruction here in the villages.
That is why they are vigorously hunted and eaten.
They are also an important source of protein here.
There we have a bunch of those fuckers cooking wrapped in a leaf.
Today our assistant chef is the chief's son Dalulajo.
What did we use for seasoning again? That's right, nothing! Nothing at all!
But you people at home can put away the pen and paper because the recipe -
can be found at www.madvetures.tv
Now let's quit the bull shit because it's time to determine which one
of us shall eat these unpleasand worms that just a minute ago were
alive, well and kicking. It's time for rock-paper-scissors.
Are you ready? - Here we go. -You're always trying to cheat.
Come on let's go.
1 - 2 - 3 ... 1 - 2 - 3
I don't think this is just bad luck any more. I don't stand a chance.
-Shut up and start eating. -Fine.
-I'm pretty scared. -Eat it man.
-How is it? -Hold on... I know this taste... I can't throw up -
in their home. Besides this is supposed to be a treat.
Check out those tentacles it has in that fucking ugly head.
Very slimy but I can't puke here, on their floor. Nice floor too.
This actually tastes a lot like bamboo. Seriously.
You do realize that when you eat two of those they will shag in your
stomach and you'll be shitting worms for the next 6 months.
To be honest I think I shit these all the time.
This one got stuck in my throat. I have to fight the puke reflex.
-Tell him you like it.
Don't you start puking on me now. -Absolutely not.
I'll just eat this last one because these are a rare delicacy here.
So, that was wo, the finest delicacy the jungle tribes have to offer.
It was damn good...
I think I just lied to you a bit because I'm such a good guest.
Mad Cook says Thank You and contunies its' journey into the jungle.
It's time to wash off the reggae locks.
We bumped into a couple of Korowais. They will hang around showing us the way.
We just found a fucking huge Kombai village in the jungle.
It's called Dema and it was built by missionaries who wanted to get the -
people out of the jungle and make them wear clothes so that -
Christian god would not get mad at them.
There are a couple of dozen bamboo houses here but a lot of families -
have moved back in the jungle bacause they like the traditional way better.
This is the most important weapon for the jungle tribes, the bow.
The actual bow is made from some odd wood and the string is bamboo
The arrows are wooden. This one has a very scrary head for pigs.
This super scary one with the spikes is for killing people.
Just imagine trying to tear it out your chest with a couple of -
vital organs still attached to it.
This is indeed a very fierce weapon.
Our expedition just got very lucky. All of a sudden people started marching -
into the village. First the Kombais with their bows up, dancing and shit.
They took one hut and settled in and started eating sago.
Right after them came the Korowai warriors who invaded another hut with -
their families about hundred yards away to avoid any problems.
They have been travelling for about a week now and their destination is
just a couple of days away where they will have a ceremony.
It's a private party so we have no business going there.
I think it's good because some of them have been checking out my thighs suspiciously.
Korowai pipe. Like kind of a dry bong. Very nice puffs I have to say.
This is quite a rare occasion. We've been invited to socialize -
with Korowai warriors in the holiest of holies, the center ring.
There are a coulple of suspicious faces here, but mosly they are -
very friendly. You have to remember that most of them are jungle men -
who have never seen a white man before.
It would take 6 weeks to walk from here to Wamena so that gives you -
some kind of idea of the distances here. Just think about it.
Kumbais are doing a war dance. This is like a time machine.
This is so surreal. Makes you realize how far away from home you are.
Dancing has been going on all night and now it's 7am and the year is 2004.
The tribes will now continue on their exodus deeper into the jungle. So will Madventures
but under these circumstances in entirely different direction.
We are on our way back. Buruwaruka's son will be guiding us to the missionary station.
This is it. A week in the jungle. All the gear made it, the men made it.
Goddamn what a trip!
I have a worm in my foot and my toes are being attacked by vicious fungi.
Despite that and spending the last week in the jungle I feel awesome.
Yet a couple of things make me think. Does every traveller take the seed of -
Babylon with him to the place where people still live like they did in
the beginning of time? Think very hard if you're planning on coming here.
Did you have something to declare?
Right now Papua is being oppressed by Indonesioan occupational forces -
along with international forest and mining corporations making millions -
of fucking dollars a day while the locals are tornmented with poverty -
and the natural resources and the culture is being destroyed.
I urge you travellers not to be oppressors.
Know your responsibility or stay home!
Madventures is waiting for revrened Dave's Cecna.
This was the most touching adventure of my life. Free Papua!